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Daddy Issues

Dearest Amethyst,

I am currently in a pseudo relationship with a Daddy. We never specified the parameters of our relationship – but we typically contact each other everyday and if nothing else, I thought that we were friends. I recently was hit with some devastating professional news which I wanted his attention and comfort for – unfortunately his attention is currently with another friend and her personal crisis. I’ve already clearly stated that I need some TLC, but was essentially told to take a number. And his communication with me has been cut to nothing.

My question is what is the best way to get his attention without seeming too needy? Or have I already gotten my answer on where I stand in my Daddy’s life?

-I Just Want My Daddy


My initial response is to give it a couple days then calmly reach out again. But be prepared that he has, in fact, already given his answer. It’s possible though that he just isn’t/wasn’t prepared to juggle multiple personal crises among his friendset. He may have put you on hold in an effort to try to take care of one thing at a time.

I also think you should ask yourself, what does “too needy” mean? If you’re not able to feel safe voicing your needs to him, that’s a problem in itself.

If he does respond, you need to have a conversation about the parameters of your relationship.

Hope that helps!

Kink Mommy

Coming out poly

Dear Kink Mommy,I am trying to decide whether or not to “come out” as poly to my family. I have a good relationship with them otherwise (we call and email each other pretty frequently, go on trips together during the holidays without it being a huge chore, etc.) so it bothers me that I feel like I have to keep people I love a secret from them when I wouldn’t have to keep a “real” boyfriend on the down low. I’ve heard both wonderful stories and horror stories from others who “came out”, so what’s a good way to evaluate the situation beforehand?

In the Poly Closet


Dear ITPC,

It’s great that you have a relatively open relationship with your family. Without knowing any more about the specifics of your family, I can only give general advice. In terms of evaluating beforehand, I would look to their attitudes toward non-traditional lifestyles in general. Are they generally open-minded people? Do they oppose or support gay marriage? If they are already on board with relationships other than 1-man/1-woman being normal and healthy, that’s a positive sign.  Also, do they typically respect your choices? And are you able to agree to disagree?

You can drop hints and test their reaction, but I don’t recommend coming out to them until you’re ready to handle a negative reaction.

You didn’t ask me *how* you should come out to your family, so I’m not going to get into that here. However, as poly generally gets either negative press or no press, I suspect you’ll have to try to explain to them what poly means, or at least what it means to you.

Good luck!
Kink Mommy